AYJW

Parrot Trick Training

Poicephalus

Parrot Forum

Good Afternoon, class. Welcome to Poetry 101: Phrasing for Dummies.
Now one of the most asked questions today is: "How do I do it? How can I be like one of those guys in black with the nice beret and those cool little drums?" Well, That's what we'll be learning today.

First, you need a topic. The most preferable ones are on love, losing love, pain, death, and the pain of not being understood.
Got a topic?
Good!
You're well on your way to becoming that classic hit at your small town cafe's open mic night!

Next, we write the poem.
Now, first look all around you and write down the first thing you see. It doesn't matter if it has anything to do with your topic or not, this is poetry! Then, you phrase that thing so it sounds profound. For example: frozen waffle = bountiful provision enclosed from consumption by its glacier prison.
See?
It's easy!

Now continue like this, but now's the time when we come to our third part...hinting at your topic! Now take that little hot topic you picked our earlier in our lesson and think of as many words that mean the exact same thing. Then insert these words wherever it rhymes or sounds pretty. Once again, it doesn't matter if it has anything to do with the phrase...no one will notice, this is poetry. But for good measure, make sure to insert something we like to call "key words." These "key words" are versatile words that can be used in any topic. They include (but not limited to): despair, soul, fire, deep, inside.
For example, you can describe the heartburn you had acquired from
eating that frozen waffle, gracefully by saying: "A fire of despair burns deep inside my soul!"
See?
Simple!

Now we reach the final and most important part of our lesson,
performance. This is the time when you can get out those cute little drums! As you have probably figured out earlier in the lesson, it doesn't matter what you write or what you say, but the way you say it!
Make up a rhythm that would sound completely ridiculous if you were speaking something other than poetry, and while you're at it, put em-pha-sis on the wrong syl-la-ble on random points. Even if it does not go along with the rhythm you made up, it doesn't matter, this is poetry. Just for good measure, now, make sure you flail your arms around and vary your volume and speed randomly throughout the piece. This will excite your audience and make them more receptive to the mediocre piece you are reciting.

Well, now you know all the basics of being a performance poet...Wait?
What was that? I haven't told you how to use those little drums?
Well, that will be covered in Poetry 102: Meter for Morons.